Ever had your heart ripped out of your chest?

Well, tonight it felt a bit like that. At least I think so. We have never seen Mom in so much miserable debilitating pain before. Today started out with Mom having chest pains and feeling aches and pains. She had a horrible nights sleep and Mark had to hold her. We called the Dr. this morning and he told her what medicines she needed to take. Jamie, Sara and I stayed VERY busy with 8 kids running errands, cleaning and doing a little bit of shopping. This evening we ate taco's and shortly after Mom just started to collapse in pain. Jamie and Mark carried her to her bed and helped her up to use the bathroom and she vomited up dinner. She repeated that the pain was worse then labor and it was in her back. I found the heating pad for her and Mark stayed with her while I saw Jamie fall to pieces. It lost it and we just hugged each other crying. After that Sara woke up from a short nap (she has an overnight flight tonight) and we updated her on the situation. She went up to see Mom but that of course caused her to lose it and later Mom told me she cried tears into her ear! Nothing like getting a wet willy! (a little humor) When Abby saw all three of us crying we tried to toughin up but be honest about the situation. Abby came upstairs to see Mom and was balling. It was one of the saddest things I have ever seen. That poor little girl that's only 8 and trying to digest all of this and doesn't understand any of it, and she is witnessing all of it first hand. Maj took her into the bedroom to console her.

Mom couldn't keep her pills down and was moaning so bad. She received a blessing and shortly after was able to take pain meds and some sleeping pills. It's such a blessing to have her sleeping right now. We thought for sure she would have to go to the hospital. After reading side effects of Neulasta she received Monday it was pretty clear she was experiencing the bone pain and chest pain from that. We read up a bit about it. Mom has to get this shot every 3 weeks. Hopefully this won't last very long and the next time she will be more prepared with how to deal with the debilitating pain. I will let Jamie tell her side of the story. Mine is pretty matter of fact and I don't want to cry anymore tonight. This is SO much harder then I thought it was going to be. I love Mama. I am thankful to be here. Thankful for every moment I have with her.

I am sure we sound like a bunch of cry babies but I assure you it's impossible to see your mom in that much pain and sickness and not cry.